Change and moving forward

So this post is going to be some rambling. I have no idea what I am going to write for the next minutes and where it will take us. But I have the feeling there are some thought in my mind that need some structure. And it usually helps if I write it down. In a journal, a letter or on this blog. I have done so with my post about blank spaces. This one feels connected. Today I want to talk about change and moving forward.

Previously I have mentioned here that I lived in the same apartment for the past 16 years. And that change might be in the future. We have been thinking about moving and looking for another place to live a few times over the years. For me it never really was all that serious. It was ok. I had a few things that bothered me but they haven’t been too annoying. And the comfort zone is really comfortable when you think about it.

But then we were in a pandemic. We were home all the time. And we lived through summer – the worst part in this apartment actually. We do not have a lot of air movement when opening the windows and so the summer heat is really sticky. When neighbors are bbq-ing or smoking some weed it most likely ends up in our apartment and stays there for many hours. We have scheduled our “opened window” time starting around midnight and hoping someone wakes up before the morning cigarette of the next neighbors.

And then this street. It is the direct way to the hospital and let me tell ya I can predict certain events. Heatwave – increased siren drive bys. First snow – more care crashes more sirens. Heavy rain, more sirens. You get it right? One week I was so very annoyed I made a game out of it and tracked for a day – starting at 7 am – how often the ambulance passed with the siren. I stopped at noon when in one hour we had 12 ambulances coming by. I mean I try to be understanding. If my loved ones are need of one I want them to get to the hospital fast. But it is still very annoying.

On top of it all our windows are a piece of sh***. they are old. old like a 100 years or so you would guess. Its drafty. It is not fitting correctly. We have lots of insulation stuffed in. About every two years the wood is such a mess that I fear mushrooms growing on it. Then I need to paint it all so it looks somewhat homey. Now this summer with more floods and heavy rains we actually had water coming through the closed windows multiple times. We did tell our landlord. Back in 2019. previously too. And then this time. In one of the light rain storms I took a couple pictures and a video for documentation reasons. You know what he said? Maybe I should wile the floor and not make a video. Thank you very much. I wouldn’t need to make proof if you’d done something in 2019. Anyways. yet another issue.

So you may understand why change and moving forward has become a more prominent issue in my life. It all had its peak when we came back from our summer holiday from the Baltic Sea. One day here and I was ready for the next vacation. The noise, the bustle and the smells. City life. So I said to Mr. ♡ I might be ready to move. Of course he was looking at apartments for the last years and could show me a few right away.

But it is not that easy now is it? Change I mean. I love this apartment. It is the first apartment we moved in together. When we rented it it was a two bedroom apartment with kitchen and a living room. About 6 or seven years in we joked with our landlord that we would like to get a room from the neighboring apartment he was just modernizing. He said ok, made a whole in the wall and voila I had my craft lab. So we had change without moving.

Apparently I am not too adapt for change. Or maybe I am just lazy. I don’t enjoy setting up a new house. I know a lot of people enjoy getting new furniture, redecoration and moving stuff around. I don’t. I fear that blank space and all the possibilities as I mentioned.

But here I am – ready for change. I can see that it would be good to get some new impulses. To live in a new neighborhood. To go through all the stuff that as accumulated I the past 16 years and get rid of things. To have to take everything in my hand and decide.

But then I know it will be overwhelming. I know it will stress me out. I know I don’t particularly enjoy it.

But also it is exciting to start something new.

Do you see my dilemma. And now the worst thing. The cost. When we move we will pay double the amount of rent. Berlin has just become so international so expensive the world capital like. Our apartment is big. 4 rooms for 2 people. 100 qm. It is luxury. I know.

How do you measure what something is worth to you? I know quietness is a very important thing for me. But is it worth double the renting cost?

We have been looking at some apartments already. We know a bit better what we want, what we can live with and what is a no go. We know what kind of neighborhoods we would enjoy living in. Until now we haven’t found the perfect match. Or maybe we have and can’t decide.

I am sorry for my thought chaos. If you made it until here kudos. If you have ever had similar thought chaos let me know how you felt. And out of curiosity how long have you lived in your current home? Are you planning change and moving forward?

Happy day to you

Tobia