After eleven month of living in our dream home we have come to face the ugly reality. End of last week we received the termination of our rental contract. This feels very much like shattered dreams. To say I am confused, angry and overwhelmed doesn’t really cover all the emotions running through my system. In the end I am probably just tired. Well, at least right now as I was lying awake in bed for three hours. Now I am sitting here needing to write it of my chest.
Feel feel to skip this rambling. I have no idea where it goes but I need some sort of catalyst. Some place to vent, to lay it all out. If you have no clue what I am talking about you may want to skip back reading the beginning of the story.
What has happened in the past six months
After discovering that the apartment was on sale in early May 2022 we had to deal with the most stupid, lazy and brazen real estate agent. First contact: calling out of the blue saying they want to tour the apartment within the week… We had to make this possible. However we asked everyone wear masks, come tested and not touch anything. We were still in a pandemic. There were still state induced rules. This worked out only partly… So after each showing we basically had to disinfect the entire apartment.
The first showing was ridiculous. I had to leave the room otherwise I probably would have hurt someone. The real estate agent came in with his client, looking at the husband and says: alright, please show us the home. He had never set foot into the apartment. Had not contacted us to introduce himself, had no clue about the area, the apartment, the conditions. So every question asked, was directed at us to answer. The first time we were so stunned we actually did answer some of those questions. The second client called 5 minutes after the appointment if he can come an hour later. Wtf…
All of them were not informed that we had just moved in in April and had an indefinite rental-agreement. It was sold as we would be moving out by March 2023. When we pointed out that we have no plans on moving out the situation always got awkward. The agent played it down. The client was embarrassed and we felt like squatters.
Then a lady came a long who really wanted the apartment. So owner and real estate agency got really really pushy on us signing agreements and committing to moving out. Intimidations with lawyer talk and letters. By then we had of course done our research and talked to lawyers ourselves. It was all about making noise but it sure was exhausting, stressful and tainted the entire living situation.
In September we made an offer that we would move out without legal charges if both moves will be paid as well as an additional severance. We also asked for 6 month to find a new apartment. However, including an option that if we find something faster we would move out earlier and receive a small amount of money additional. Well, to make a long story short (feedback took 8 weeks at times) we never received any reply – same as to our offers on buying.
It got quiet over the holidays. In January the offer was disappearing online and the husband had a weird gut feeling. I resolved to ignoring the elephant in the room and pretending all was fine until something happened. Well, and here we are. March 2nd the termination was in the mail box. Which I picked up, put aside and ignored. I am rather good at this game. We did open it that night though…
And since then all is different. I am grieving. I am tired. I am mad. I just want to leave. And at the same time want to stay. It is a rollercoaster of emotions. It does shit for my migraines and my insomnia. I am crying out of the blue but I need to work and create fun content on social media. It is a stretch. I am not managing…
Currently our lawyers are evaluating our options. Of course we are also looking at apartments – since May but nothing affordable and nice has been out…
Ok, so to clear my head and get acquainted with the idea that I may not be staying much longer in this apartment I made a pro con list.
Pro’s on moving out
- We no longer (not much longer is probably more realistic) have to deal with the owner of the apartment.
- Clarity. No more dreading to open mail, emails and picking up phone calls.
- I won’t be looking at a run down bathroom with broken tiles and moldy silicon joints.
- No more or at least less spiders everywhere. As well as these huge critters that look like a crossing between a silverfish and a shrimp.
- No more overly nosy neighbors… maybe…
- No more financing an ass* with our rent money.
Con’s on moving out
- No more waterfront living (our biggest dream).
- Not being able to live in the neighborhood we came to enjoy and feel at home.
- No more library 50 meters away – not that I have used it that much but I was planning too.
- No more quick dip in the water during my lunch break or in the evenings.
- No more beautiful sunsets.
- No more excitement on the water such as the fire department running diving trainings, the rowing clubs practicing and doing regattas, the police ship coming by daily, the swan attacks when swimmers get to close to the young ones.
No. surprise that the con list of moving out is longer. This is my current reality.
If you can think on any arguments for moving out, shoot! Other advice also welcome. Did anyone had similar experiences? How can I handle the mental stress? How can I handle the issue that within a year we have to pay the second move and rebuy furniture because it’s never gonna fit completely? Should we look into buying so we never have to deal with this again? Did you ever experience the feeling of shattered dreams?
12 comments
I am so sorry you have been going through this for so long, and that the outcome is such a disappointment. What a terrible situation. I have no advice, just empathy.
While nowhere near as frustrating as your situation, my husband and I once signed a contract on a beautiful apartment. But literally the week were to move in, the apartment complex informed us that the prior tenant was refusing to leave. Because of eviction laws in our state, they had no immediate recourse. And we were stuck, as we were moving from another state so that my husband could start a new medical program. The apartment complex found us another unit, but it was not the beautiful, high-ceilinged unit that we’d fallen in love with. It was dark and the bedroom was right above the complex garage, which meant that our sleep was constantly interrupted by the garage door opening and closing. The complex felt this was a good exchange, as this apartment had more square feet than the one we wanted, but we hated it. The best I can say is that it was a temporary situation and we eventually found a much better place to live. I hope the same for you!
Oh this sounds really Seefunk. Looking forward to a fresh start and a beautiful apartment and then beim h “parked” in a different unit.
Even though it was bigger. At least you had a place to stay but what a drama. I am sorry you had to go through that.
Thank you for your empathy. I will need some time to wrap my head around what is happening.
First, I am so, so sorry you are going through this this Tobia. From experience, I know that trauma surrounding a home environment is a very specific brand of awful. While my situation was not exactly like yours, I can relate in so many ways.
For YEARS we had issues with neighbours in our apartment complex. It got to the point where I didn’t feel like I could move around freely. I was literally looking over my shoulder and running from our place to the car. It was paralyzing. One family stole items of ours and then posted them online for sale. It was just…awful.
When we moved into our first house, within a week we faced major issues. I won’t go through all the particulars (lawyers, jackhammers in our basement, some truly HORRIFIC experiences with contractors) but we have just passed our 5-year anniversary in this house and I can say with 100% honesty that only in the last 2-3 months have I felt safe, secure, and settled in our place. For years I was just…so scared and uneasy.
I know what it’s like to not feel safe and secure in a place you expected and longed to provide a haven of safety and security. While I very much hope, pray and BELIEVE you will find a great place to give you this necessary security – this experience will leave some scars. I’m so glad you are blogging about this, as horribly painful as it is. The sheer emotion that comes with all of this upheaval is overwhelming and I found it so, so helpful when I finally took hold of my story and acknowledged how hard and painful it was. I tried to downplay it in my mind and say, at least X, Y, or Z didn’t happen. I didn’t think I had a right to label it as a trauma – BUT IT IS. It is this huge personal invasion surrounding a place that is supposed to represent safety and security.
Oh – I’m just so, so heartbroken for you and all that you’ve been through. Hoping you find a clear path forward and that you find a wonderful place to call home that gives you all that security and beauty you deserve <3
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Oh your old neighborhood sound horrible. I never had to experience that. So glad. But I agree if you can’t feel free in movement and being around your home it’s the worst. I am just dodging neighbors right now because they all want to here wants going on and I just don’t feel like sharing this story and constantly having these negative thoughts. But they are all concerned.
I never thought of the situation as trauma. But I guess it somehow could be labeled that.
I am sorry you had such awful years with your home and all the issues surrounding it. I am hoping you will find some peace. I am working on mine. It will take some time but in the end I am home where the husband is. And that is the best realization in this whole mess. (I knew that before, it’s just so much more clearer.)
Oh man, I am so sorry this is happening. How horrible to lose your perfect location like that. Ugh.
I don’t have any advice, only sympathy for the stress you are going through. We used to rent, and eventually bought a place so we could have some control over our situation. There is no rent control in our area, and our landlord at our last place was increasing our rent by 40%. So we found a place we could afford to buy, thinking we would be there for a couple of years. That was in 1998, and we are still here.
It’s not an ideal place, we don’t love it, and if we rented we would probably have moved by now. Sometimes owning is its own hassle. But at least no one can sell the place out from under us, or raise our rent, so we got what we wanted out of it.
Sending you warm wishes that you are able to resolve this. My perfect solution would be for you to find an even better place nearby, for less money, and all of your furniture and so on would fit perfectly. And your landlord would have to pay you to move. Fingers crossed.
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Oh man. So many stories about crappy landlords… I am sorry you also have one to add. This “selling from under you” is really a thing that makes us think about buying but financially it’s not the best to spend our money… so I guess renting it will be. Thank you for your thoughts.
Oh Tobia, so sorry this is happening to you. It’s one of the hardest things about renting. A similar thing happened to us last year. It was hard to leave our old place but it turns out I actually like our new place even more. Praying God provides you soon with a new place to call home.
Thank you Bella. I am sorry you had to go through this too. And then with the kids. At least I don’t have that. But it’s tough. I am trying for positive thinking but it’s hard. I am sure once we are somewhere else it gets easier. Home is after all who you spend it with.
I am so sorry this is happening, Tobia. I was secretly hoping that things would work out and that you could buy the apartment and stay forever. I know that this was a dream come true to live near the water and in such a beautiful community and I can only imagine how crushed you must be. :(
The only words of wisdom and encouragement I have, are: I need to believe that there MUST be something bigger and better out there for you guys.
You and me both… I also had secret wishes and stubbornly believed it will turn out for the best…
I know o will move one and I am a step farther into the future since writing this post but it is tough. Really really tough. Thanks for your words.
I’m so sorry to hear this, I know how much you enjoyed your apartment and the views. Moving is a hectic experience as it is, I’m sorry you’ve got added stress and it is affecting your migraines.
Thinking of you and trusting there is something better waiting for you.
Thank you Anthea. It’s not easy right now and I really really don’t want to pack everything up again. But just getting out of this situation must be better in the long run.